Oh..ok…

So..he cheated on me. That’s cool but you know, really not.

The pain I feel in every bit of my body is a quick reminder why I don’t date in the first place.

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Moment of truth….

I received an email late the other morning from a very attractive local doctor, asking me to come play in an exchange for being spoiled. Wine, hot tub, fucking on the kitchen counter…all of the fun things were included!

I feared for this day since I decided to start a relationship. My relationship being long distance right now would allow me some “freedoms” if I wanted to do that. How would I react? Could I say no? Would I be ok afterwards?

The end result was I felt awful and sick to my stomach for even entertaining the idea of doing that to my boyfriend. I almost think he feels pressure to buy me stuff sometimes because of my past, but he assures me that’s not the case.

I’m very happy so I politely declined πŸ™‚ Of course, the doctor made a counter offer that I ultimately ignored.

Who knew I could have a conscious!

The End.

I didn’t die, I promise!

Shortly after deciding to dip back in to the sugar bowl, I met a guy who is just…..amazing. I felt I had to be honest and told him about sugaring, probably in an attempt to self sabotage as I always do. However, he didn’t care. He adores me in a way I have never been adored and I cannot wait to spend more time with him!

He even made a joke about it on a recent out of town weekend that didn’t offend me or even come off as mean spirited. He sighed afterwards and told me how nervous he was as soon as he said it because he thought I would take it the wrong way. He quickly grabbed me and pulled me in for a kiss at a stoplight πŸ™‚

Sorry, sugar. Money can’t beat this. Here’s hoping I don’t come back but if I do…..oh boy.

Reflecting

So, after the whole Andrew fall out, I can’t help but feel like a bit of a failure.

I thought we were both upfront with our expectations and both were being met. I thought we were in a good, mutually beneficial, although somewhat confusing, spot. Imagine my surprise when suddenly his expectations changed and went in a direction I was not expecting.

I think given time, I would have been more open to his idea of “play” but to come so left field made me very uncomfortable. The late allowance, lack of gifts he promised…it all felt like he was trying to get more for less. Maybe it was me though? Maybe he was giving less because he felt he was receiving less?

I am not sure of the case but either way, this week was incredibly nice not having to reassure him about some random thing.

I am talking to a few POTs but after the Andrew fiasco, I am very annoyed with the sugar bowl.

Sigh.

The end of Andrew.

“Good morning! What’s the plan for tonight?”
“Ummm not sure lol.”
“Okay….did you still want me to come?”
“Yeah…I just hope it’s different this time :(”

What. Seriously? Bye Andrew, you are done. Had such high hopes but pulling some teenage line like that instead of telling me what you want?

I feel like in an arrangement you should clearly state your expectations and if they are not met, speak up. Don’t wait until a week later to bring up that you’re unhappy with something the other person did.

I feel bad, like I failed by not keeping him happy but I thought he was…?!? I don’t read minds, I don’t put up with wishy washy, and I don’t handle hidden agendas. Sigh.

I don’t feel like dealing with POTs again 😦 The struggle is real.