So, I was supposed to see Karate Kid on Tuesday, after over a month of not seeing each other, it was FINALLY going to happen again! However, with the spawn of the demon cold sore (which is gone now. bam. Thanks Valtrex & Toothpaste!) I decided that it would be best to reschedule.
I have a name for this that I shared with Camper as we were walking in the park pointing out one stars and sharing SA horror stories. I said offhandedly “Sugar Flakes are about as bad as Sugar Fakes”, which had him in stitches for some reason. Now, with my cancellation on Karate Kid, I officially sugar flaked 😦 I feel awful but seriously, it would have been awkward to have dinner with him with that on my lip! So now we are back to square one of picking a good time which is more difficult than one would think. I was bummed but also looked forward to getting rid of the demon cold sore by sunday, my planned date with Camper.
Then he sugar flaked. Fuck! He ended up having to work and apologized profusely across 3 or 4 emails, detailing how badly he wanted to see me and how it HAS to be soon or he will go crazy. I sugar flaked, then got sugar flaked on. Karma? Boo.
I’ve talked to Boston a few times, I’m so unsure of the situation. Will he invite me back? I don’t know. Would I accept? I don’t know. After a few days I thought about how lucky I was to have such a kind SD who treated me so well without being overly demanding, knowing it was both of us involved, not just the person with the money. On the other hand, he shorted me a fair amount. Did I do something wrong? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ll gladly take 2 weeks worth of pay for a weekend in a beautiful city, but at the same time it was not the agreed upon amount. Is this a deal breaker? Should it be? Maybe I shouldn’t concern myself with it until I get another invite.
Outside of sugar, I went on a walk with Sir Bod A Lot to talk about the situation. Shortly after he left my condo the other night, I recieved a text about him talking to a girl for the last 3 weeks and he didn’t think I needed to know because he thought we were done. This lead to me not being able to sleep the rest of the night, feeling pretty awful. So the next day on our walk, I could feel my emotions running high. It was such a fucking shitty talk. Hearing him say he would have gone with it if I asked him to be exclusive was like a kick right to the chest. I literally had to put my hands on my knees and teach myself how to oxygenate again. It was obvious there was nothing between us any more when he told me he desires our friendship over our friends with benefits-ship. On one hand, I was pretty insulted, but on the other I was kind of relieved. He had just told me that he did not want me. Thats all I needed. Once I get the words said to me that someone does not want me, its like a switch in my head that turns off all positive thoughts about them. It was like an instant relief and then….a massive flow of bitch.
I proceeded to point out that now we are friends, I can point out his diet and work out routine is working against his goals and he is losing muscle. I noticed the night before he had lost INCHES on his biceps in just 7 days. INCHES PEOPLE, INCHES. Considering this was the thing that originally attracted me to him, it was a pretty big turn off. He didn’t see it and insisted we have different fitness goals, him just wanting to look as good as possible and me wanting to be as muscular as naturally allowable. While he was right, his 60-100g of protein a day is not helping him in any sense. I next asked what the girl did for a living…shes a waitress and works the smoothie bar at his gym. Is she in school? Nope.
Before I could even stop myself, I blurted out “Wow, you’re really aiming for the stars huh?” and instantly realized HE WORKS AT THE SAME GYM. DOING ALMOST THE SAME THING. FOR THE SAME PAY. Woooops. I’m not a mean person or one to look down on someone but for some reason the claws came out. I’m glad they did now after seeing he took her to the Baseball game we were supposed to go to his for his birthday. The girl is deathly attached, already taking “sneaky” pictures of him and posting them to facebook. Have fun, minimum wage uneducated couple of the year. Enjoy your runs on the trail that will eventually deteriorate your knees so badly that you will be getting them replaced at the hospital that launched me in to my career, sending me out of this small town full of people that are comfortable with a life of mediocrity.
Wow, this post got really heavy, my fault.I