You got some ‘splainin to do!

Excuse me for being frank but what the Christ is wrong with some SDs? Yes, I’m aware sex is a very large part of it but to request UNPROTECTED sex on the first meet? Lol.

Hello. My name is Nadia. I work in healthcare. I have seen enough patients come in with symptoms of what they thought was a yeast infection only to be trichomoniasis. Scary stuff.

Not only am I protecting myself but seriously guys? I’ve heard tales of crazy SBs, who is to say one isn’t lying about her birth control in an attempt to get a paycheck for 18 years? Don’t get me wrong, I know that’s fucked, but I also know women do it.

China JUST got back from time overseas, I am well aware with the STD epidemic in China, with some infections increasing as much as 17% per year. Fuck to the no are we having unprotected sex when you just got back to the U.S.

Am I naive for thinking this way? Am I bound to not succeed at sugar due to my guarded opinions? I’m just trying to be smart!

Go with my gut…?

So, China is coming in to town on Friday to do dinner. He has asked me to stay the night with him, which was the opposite of what our first discussion months ago entailed. Months ago, we both agreed that a dinner date and then POSSIBLY staying the night if we got along well enough was the best bet. Suddenly, he is making sure I am good to stay the night and following up with “Do you get really wet? Do I need to bring lube?”

Ughhhh. My annoyance with him over the last few months he was in china has surely spread to today. I’m not sure why but something about him generally makes me want to punch a kitten. His constant texts of “Did you sleep well/What are you having for lunch?” are nerve grating. I don’t know why, I can’t put my finger on it, but I am feeling more and more like this is a bad set up, that I should not go.

I am not a prostitute, I do not enjoy your company for the money, and trying to tell me I don’t need an hour after coming straight from work to get ready prior to having dinner and a possible over night stay is infuriating. “Dont put on make up, remember I don’t like it!”

Yeah right buddy. Women are masters of disguise and I will pull off that natural look without you even knowing it.

What do I do? Do I swallow these annoyances down and give it a shot? Hes very wealthy, very good businessman, but blargh why does he annoy me so!

I don’t want to be a sugar flake but…but….but!

I’m craving sugar, count down starts now!

2 weeks until this semester from hell is over and I can dive back in to Sugar.

1 week until I meet China for dinner.

4 days until tuition is do, which is covered thanks to Boston and camper. Muah! Love em!

2 days until I get to go to Hershey Park and see Fall Out Boy and Paramore :)!

8 hours until this workday is over and I get to lift weights.

Random thoughts & China Update.

As I was driving to school the other day, instead of rehearsing info for the test I was about to take, I was thinking about the sugar bowl.

Outside of the sugar bowl, I find cheating to be one of the worst things you can do to a person. Having been cheated on once, it utterly destroyed me for quite a bit and threw me in to a mentality I didn’t know I had, which has subsequently continued and is probably a huge factor for my openness to sugar. Inside the sugar bowl though? Its so non-factor. It doesn’t even phase me. The general thoughts of “ohhh this guy is such an asshole” or “what a fuckface!” never even cross my mind. I think its a good and bad thing, personally. On one hand, I am able to separate reality from sugar but on the other hand, I wonder if this will have subconscious lasting effects on my ability to trust men? It will be interesting to see how I transition back to life outside of the sugar bowl when I am done.

Another random thought : I was fuming when I saw the title of a news article list that girl who killed the google exec as a “high priced call girl”. Later in the article, they linked the two to meeting on SA, making my friends eyeballs fall out of her head when she came to read over my shoulder when I said out loud “Holy shit!”. To her its a clear reason why I should not do it, to me its a clear reason as to why I am so selective and will continue to be careful. The fact they associated this woman as a call girl, and later listed the agreement as $1200 for sex…ugh. We are not whores, we are not escorts, we are not call girls. I can see some parallels but honestly? Cmon.

So, onward with the China update. If you remember, China is one of the first SDs I spoke with but right after contacting each other, he had to go to China on business for an extended period. We made plans to meet in June however he ended up staying longer. I figured it was a lost cause as I got a little too busy/too annoyed to deal with his constant LINE chats and request for phone calls. Either way, he is back and still VERY interested. We are planning to meet for dinner in Baltimore on July 25th, though I assured him I work that day and as such, it will probably have to be a late dinner. I am a tad bit nervous about this one since he is very clear with his expectations ( Flashback : Only wear skirts/dresses,no perfume,do not shave the cookie jar….odd…) which I have no trouble meeting but for some reason I am getting jittery. Very odd. I really hope it works out but I fear he will want exclusivity. He mentioned “We can’t tell people how we met, obviously.” and I’m thinking in my head “Who are we going to be talking to in Baltimore?” Haha. Either way, heres to it possibly working! I can see him being VERY generous.

That guy who messaged me from SA who kept pushing to meet him that night/the next day without sending pictures has hopefully sent me the last of “Why are you fake?””Why didn’t you meet me?””Are you a cop?” messages, via text and SA. Fingers crossed.

This weekend I’ll be traveling to CT to see three of my friends in the area. I can’t wait! Its going to be about a 4-5hr drive but I think my lil car can make it. Oils changed, fluids topped off, belts tightened…I think I got this! First extended drive by my lonesome πŸ™‚

I’m very much ready for this semester to be over. It is taking up all of my time, interrupting my training at the gym, and causing me to stress way more than anticipated. Why oh why did I start in the summer?!!?! Oh well, its almost over and then I can jump my classmates bones, as I have planned from the first second I sat next to him in class πŸ™‚ With Sir Bod A Lot out of the way, for good after his most recent bout of fuckery, I can explore other casual sex options. Yeaaaaaaah.

Guess I better get back to work, quite a few doctors here today! Womp womp wooooomp.

“I give up.”

So, I have decided that July is probably not my month. With my first year anniversary of my Mothers passing and the awful memories of the 15 days prior to her death rushing in to my head, I decided not to go in to work and medicate myself heavily. Its helped..somewhat…but its only going to get harder as July 16th approaches.

Either way, Karate Kid tried AGAIN to do something last minute. I have told him numerous times that with school and everything going on, its very hard for him to say “Hey lets do something in FIVE HOURS OK?” dfjkghgffdgjsdf Yet he continues to do it.

So today I told him. Again. I can’t do that during a summer semester, let me know 2-3 days in advance and I am golden. But hours? No. No no no.

His response “I give up then.”

I should be upset but to be honest? Fine. Good. It was stressing me out having to say no, I can’t meet you for coffee IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CLASS. Seriously? I was very respectful of his schedule since hes married etc but he did not seem to feel the same way.

That leaves me down to two SDs, Camper and Boston. I list Boston because today he brought up me visiting again and he has to look at the logistics of it. The moment of “Why did you short me?” is fast approaching.

After my semester is over, I plan to dive back in to the sugar bowl like before. Two summer classes plus feeling out POTs like I was before is just too much :/

Shoot.