“I give up.”

So, I have decided that July is probably not my month. With my first year anniversary of my Mothers passing and the awful memories of the 15 days prior to her death rushing in to my head, I decided not to go in to work and medicate myself heavily. Its helped..somewhat…but its only going to get harder as July 16th approaches.

Either way, Karate Kid tried AGAIN to do something last minute. I have told him numerous times that with school and everything going on, its very hard for him to say “Hey lets do something in FIVE HOURS OK?” dfjkghgffdgjsdf Yet he continues to do it.

So today I told him. Again. I can’t do that during a summer semester, let me know 2-3 days in advance and I am golden. But hours? No. No no no.

His response “I give up then.”

I should be upset but to be honest? Fine. Good. It was stressing me out having to say no, I can’t meet you for coffee IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CLASS. Seriously? I was very respectful of his schedule since hes married etc but he did not seem to feel the same way.

That leaves me down to two SDs, Camper and Boston. I list Boston because today he brought up me visiting again and he has to look at the logistics of it. The moment of “Why did you short me?” is fast approaching.

After my semester is over, I plan to dive back in to the sugar bowl like before. Two summer classes plus feeling out POTs like I was before is just too much :/



5 thoughts on ““I give up.”

  1. I’m sorry about your mom passing. I’m sure she’s at peace and proud of you for continuing to push yourself.

    As for Karate Kid, he’s an ass. If he can’t respect your time then he sure as hell won’t respect anything else. It sounded like he treated you as a booty call. He can go fall in a ditch. He’s a worthless individual anyways.

    Definitely keep your focus on school. It’s much more important than the sugar bowl and its not going anywhere.


    • Thank you so much, it means a lot to me ❤ Writing that down made me realize how much it was actually bothering me, which is why it took me so long to respond, I took a break from a lot of stuff the last few days, I'm sorry!

      I agree on both counts, I'm a little bummed I let it carry on so long. I would get so annoyed getting a text at 2pm at work "Hey, come to my town tonight before class" when his town is 45 mins away from my work and my class was an hour after I got off work. He really couldn't grasp it.

  2. I pretty much agree with what simply surreal has said. Karate kid is just not worth the stress, school comes first always.

    I can completely relate to how you feel about your mom. Its only been a year for you and from someone who lost both parents six years ago, trust me time heals. It took me almost six years to be ‘fine’ with it and for memories nearing their passing to not upset me as much. You will see that in time, you’ll cry and hurt less.

    She is super proud of you for putting one foot in front of the other and for not giving up on your life.

    Biggest hug. You are an awesome person from what I’ve read from your blog. X

    • Def not worth it, especially around this time of year.

      Thank you so much for the comment. I really hope with time it does get easier like you said. It is just so hard to believe its already been a year, it feels like just a few months ago! I think if my family was in great contact, we would be able to mourn together and it would be a little easier having someone who understands, but we haven’t even discussed the fact its almost been a year. Eek.

      I try to think she was proud, I’m happy she got to see me walk the stage for my associates before she passed. First one in my family to go to college, she better be proud! Haha.

      Thank you so much, seriously. It means a lot 🙂

      • I’m glad I could help. Of course she is proud. Coming from someone who knows how hard it can be, you’ve done well!

        You are going to be more than ok 🙂

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