Haha really?

I get a text from Andrew out of no where asking if I would like another football trip.

Remember how I thought I messed that one up? Yeah. No.



So, after the whole Andrew fall out, I can’t help but feel like a bit of a failure.

I thought we were both upfront with our expectations and both were being met. I thought we were in a good, mutually beneficial, although somewhat confusing, spot. Imagine my surprise when suddenly his expectations changed and went in a direction I was not expecting.

I think given time, I would have been more open to his idea of “play” but to come so left field made me very uncomfortable. The late allowance, lack of gifts he promised…it all felt like he was trying to get more for less. Maybe it was me though? Maybe he was giving less because he felt he was receiving less?

I am not sure of the case but either way, this week was incredibly nice not having to reassure him about some random thing.

I am talking to a few POTs but after the Andrew fiasco, I am very annoyed with the sugar bowl.


The end of Andrew.

“Good morning! What’s the plan for tonight?”
“Ummm not sure lol.”
“Okay….did you still want me to come?”
“Yeah…I just hope it’s different this time :(”

What. Seriously? Bye Andrew, you are done. Had such high hopes but pulling some teenage line like that instead of telling me what you want?

I feel like in an arrangement you should clearly state your expectations and if they are not met, speak up. Don’t wait until a week later to bring up that you’re unhappy with something the other person did.

I feel bad, like I failed by not keeping him happy but I thought he was…?!? I don’t read minds, I don’t put up with wishy washy, and I don’t handle hidden agendas. Sigh.

I don’t feel like dealing with POTs again 😦 The struggle is real.

Hot sugars get away with murder.


So…randomly I got a random email from my first SD. The one who was to be in the city once a month but fell of the earth? The one who is so gorgeous I should be paying him to see me? Yeah. That one.

He was in town and wanted to see me. I was in the middle of a move, sick with an ear infection, and worried my little car was dying but ventured down anyway! Boy am I glad I did…..

He had a suite at a very chic hotel, which included two rooms put together. One room had a ballet bar….I knew as soon as I saw it, I would never another chance to have sex on a ballet bar in my life.

It was everything I had hoped for.

I very much enjoy his company but he started arguing with his wife shortly after, making our time somewhat awkward. He pulled out his laptop to work at which I promptly closed it and stole his attention.

“You told me you wanted my company to keep you from sitting in your room working until 2am. Is that still true?”
“Yes…you’re right. Thank you.”

He told me he throws himself in to work when he’s stressed, like we all do. He continued to argue with his wife via text, going radio silent mid conversation a few times. We got in to a discussion about marriage and he was amazed that I didn’t desire it in the least, saying I was wise beyond my years as he twirled my hair in between  his fingers.

He hasn’t emailed me since the meet and I am reminded again why he annoys me : he is back and forth with communication. I don’t want to talk to him every day but update me on the travel plans so I know when to make time for you!

It’s probably best he visits so infrequently, his personality is intoxicating and I would probably get caught up. He us just too gorgeous, funny, smart, and pays me so well…..

Delayed Recap


Phew, been so busy with moving and everything that I haven’t been able to update!

About two weeks ago Andrew and I went on our football trip. I realized five minutes into the trip that I am a much bigger fan of traveling alone. Maybe its because I’ve done that more than traveled with someone but the constant complaining of “why are we not at the gate yet/why are we not taking off/oh look they made friends, how weird.” was so grating on my nerves I had trouble staying sane. I thanked the stars I brought my headphones and quickly watched greys anatomy as he tried to sleep during the flight. This is where stuff really goes a little odd and its probably 99.9% my fault.

We get to the hotel, absolutely GORGEOUS. I didn’t think I liked a room more…until I saw my first SD again spur of the moment recently but thats for another time… and I changed in to PJs as he turned the TV on. We cuddled and watched sports center, laughing at the commentators really rude jokes. Finally he turned it off, kissed me goodnight, and kept cuddling. Normal stuff, right?

Suddenly, he pulled away and seemed somewhat offended. I asked what was wrong and he says “I’m just going to let you sleep, I don’t want to bother you.” Hmmm…what? Again, I have trouble with people who need constant affirmation that the choices they make are ok to make. I told him he was fine, come back to my side and we can go to sleep. Nope. I’m not going to tell you something is ok twice, I can’t really grasp the whole concept of that. It is a fault of my own and I’m trying to change that but its hard. Fault of independent personality I guess.

The next morning he seemed upset with me when I crawled out of bed to go to the gym. I went to the gym and worked out as I overlooked the gorgeous city, taking in every aspect of the situation I am in right now. It seems so far from my 2 year ago reality, its pretty shocking. Afterwards I went back to the room and, unsurprisingly, he was still in bed. Another thing we differ on…I’m a very “Up and at em!” type in the morning, finding laying in bed for hours on end ( when not having sex ) to drive me somewhat stir crazy. Maybe its my ADD, maybe its my complete obvious (at this point) lack of interest. I find it unamusing to sit in bed and have him talk about how funny it is to watch videos of angry spouses smashing their significant others xbox/playstation/pc. I guess I am boring because that seriously hurts my heart! Those poor consoles, not to mention how much they cost! 

Having an ex that smashed a $1200 custom PC I had just built probably makes it hit home a little more.

I asked if he was mad at me and he insisted he wasnt but couldn’t pull himself away from the phone. That was a huge red flag…he was back on SA, I thought to myself. I jumped in the shower as we readied to hit some tailgates and head to the football game. He was distant all morning, making me more annoyed with him but as soon as we got to the stadium, he obviously wanted it to be known that he was with me as more and more people increasingly started talking to me about football. Was pretty funny and a little confidence boosting to be honest! We stopped at the pro shop, got me two shirts ( yesss ❤ ) and enjoyed the rest of the day at the stadium. My team won the game, making me trip home that much sweeter….woohoo!!! I LOVE FOOTBALL!!!

On the flight home we sat in different seats and I found myself NOT upset with that prospect. He was a few rows away and I enjoyed the time to nap a little bit as well as flash the football game plays back in my head. When we got back to my car he kissed me and told me to drive safe…..

…..wait a minute buddy. Pause. This is where I complain that the boots he assured me he would have for me for the game were not there, the "4 or 5 things" he bought for me for the game did not exist, he has still not given me my ezpass so my drive is at least 20 minutes longer than it should be, and now he was trying to skip out on giving me my allowance that was 7 days past due? Nope! I stopped that right then and there! Followed him to a bank and he comes back, $50 short, telling me "It wouldn't let me take out the 50 so I'll give it to you for next weekends allowance." Uhhhh what? In my mind, take out the even number and just grant me the $10 extra. What the hell? No. Just no. Now that I'm typing all of this, I'm getting more annoyed and more convinced that he is no longer worth my saturday nights/sunday mornings. He does have really cute cats though…..

Things are also a little murky on what he expects. From day one he said to me "I dont want to have sex with you, you could pay me a million dollars and I wouldn't do it." but then links me to some BDSM spanking chairs and a remote control vibrator? Like, what? You don't want to have sex with me but you want to do that kind of stuff? He keeps saying sex is going to be for his wife and he would rather save it for her but I told him straight up he will not be chaining me down and spanking me. That takes a whole level of trust that I have not even begun to build with him yet. He insists he just wants to be touchy feely with me but what the hell? Nothing in return? This is so annoying, I can't handle grey areas!